Today I had to reread the breakup post, to remind myself why we ended things.
No, there is no right way. You just have to do whatever it is that you do to move on. Some people reminisce and others disparage it to no end. That being said, it’s probably better if you don’t torture yourself by reliving the it too much. I’ve always done that after breakups as well.
Because most days, I honestly cannot remember.
All I can remember is how much I miss him.
Why is it that with the ending of a relationship, some people focus on its flaws, but others (me) focus on everything that was right together? I do this EVERY TIME. It seems like it would be easier to view a newly past relationship in a harsh light (maybe of reality, or maybe of pessimism), but I can’t bring myself to do that. It seems disrespectful to what we had. Am I just making things harder on myself?
Starting on Friday, I’m headed to the ashram (again, yes, again) in upstate New York. Hopefully it will center me, allow me to regain my focus, and perhaps speed the process of moving on. I’m trying so hard … I’ve planned this upcoming trip to New York, then back for a big family celebration (including my brother and his wife) for my mom’s birthday, then a week in LA, and an intensive improv class here in Chicago. I’m throwing myself into work, both with the column and other items (um, I rewrote my entire press kit last night.) I organized my bathroom cabinets. I played with my dog. I watched Gossip Girl & GLEE. I talk to three or four friends every day. I’m trying, but it’s up and down, up and down. Some days are good. Others (like today), not so much.
I promised myself I wouldn’t grieve publicly, mainly because, while I don’t mind if you see the pain, I don’t really want him to know. So I go back and forth between finding writing/talking about it highly therapeutic and trying to put the whole thing out of my mind, pretend it doesn’t exist and (as my mother suggested) “fake it till I make it.”
I’m not sure which is the “right” way. Is there one?
