snow!
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really pretty colors this morning
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(Source: barackobama)
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Holiday Running Streak
I’m on week 7 of Couch to 5k. It’s been going pretty well. I’m going to try out another way to get me running. The Runners World Holiday Running Streak. One mile a day every day until July 4. 2.8 miles today!
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Although it’s not as symmetrical. The tree outside my office always reminds me of the tree in the opening of Six Feet Under.
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Muppets shill for IBM →
I had not seen this before, although my boyfriend said this was old news. Before the Muppet Show or any of the Muppet movies, Jim Henson made promo videos for IBM. These are pretty hilarious.
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I used to be a fan, but this show has made me hate her. She still has great hair though.
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a note on …
with another deadline reached and “spring break” commenced, my speed has downshifted.
towards the end of this particular work slog, all i could think about was what i was missing.
the family events i missed because of work. (my sister’s 30th birthday party - which i was supposed to go to until my bosses gave me the ol’ “you’re going to cancel your trip, right?”)
the friendships that i can’t foster because of my erratic schedule.
the city that i experience only as a sliver as i go from home, down lake shore drive, to the office, and reverse.
the health that seems too valuable to squander chained to my desk and the sleep that hovers between a paltry 2 and 3 hours a night.
the marriage that doesn’t get the time and attention it deserves.
it’s just not a life.
it’s not a healthy one and it’s certainly not a happy one.
but here’s the thing.
no one is going to excuse me from the table.
i have a close friend who, since college, has worked hard and moved up steadily at a very (for lack of a better word) cool company in a bustling industry. she recently told me (for various reasons) that she was ready for a change. location. promotion. etc.
but she realized that her plan all along had been, “i’ll move forward/make changes when my job gets bad/boring/non-existent.” and, thankfully, in those 6 years the job has never been so bad/boring/non-existent that she needed to move on.
except that she’s ready for something different now.
it’s as if we’re waiting for this massive change dictated by external forces.
we were waiting to be excused from the table.
i was banking on my work to say, “you’re exhausted - go rest up” or “you’re burnt out - go rediscover your creativity.”
but that will never happen. ever.
unless i initiate it. which is what i did.
wednesday night, i drove to south bend to be with PKS. while he wrapped up a project on thursday, i stayed anchored to the marimekko sheets (from that summer we fell in love) and slept. i woke up at 8 only to look at the clock and roll back over. i woke up at 10 only to decide it still wasn’t enough. at noon, i felt normal again.
driving back to chicago, we brainstormed our evening. a quick workout later, we were on our way to the art institute to take advantage of their late thursdays. the museum was empty and we took our time. thankful we caught the (excellent) photography exhibit in the nick of time (it closes march 11).
everything starts churning back through my brain. it reminds me of what i enjoy, how i thrive, what i’m capable of.
we then did our typical museum song and dance: he loves anything old (byproduct of his art history education from williams college) while i love anything new(er) (byproduct of my art history education from colgate university) but we both love anything landscape.
it felt like a marriage.
and while i’m grateful we’re able to pick up where we left off, it also forced me to face how lonely i’ve been. which is very.
the last stop of the night, dinner, checks off the most necessary task.
you see, when i’m under stress, i just plainly stop eating. the fridge is empty, my appetite is so hidden, i forget what food tastes like. subsisting on caffeine 3x a day, i let it slosh around in my empty stomach, burning what feels like 1,000 holes inside me. i wake up with an acidic feeling and eventually fall asleep with it, too. i lose my ability to crave, taste or smell.
it’s one of the more painful side effects of this life i’m sick of leading.
so we sit down at a communal table at gt fish & oyster, hunkered as close to each other as we can manage. it was a nice meal. a much needed meal.
and when i woke up this morning, it all felt measurably better.
a good reminder that no one is going to excuse me from the table.
except me.
I needed to read this today. I’m in a similar situation with my job and it seems like I keep putting off moving on for some reason. I’m not sure why except that I keep thinking something will happen to force the change. It’s not healthy though. I woke up this morning thinking about work and starting crying at the thought of going in.
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Lindsay, please go back to being a red head. You’re so beautiful that way.
